Well well well…I am moving into my 3rd week here in Serbia and I guess I am adjusting. I can’t believe I have only been here for 2 weeks! It seems so much longer b/c every day there is so much to do and everything is kind of complicated! But I am getting used to things. The weather is still cold and gloomy most days, but I am looking forward to better weather and taking advantage of the poor weather to get lots of work done.
So…since my last post…my initial wounds are healing and I am finding things with much more ease. I am also speaking increasing amounts of Serbian language each day, and am feeling less insecure each day. I am still uncomfortably conspicuous, but that is fine. I am resigned to the fact that I am foreign and that is not going to change. I am still oddly exhausted when I get home from a day of work, and I have been going to bed by 10pm each night and waking at like 5am! I hope that the early waking continues b/c I have been able to get a lot done and have not been late for anything (for once in my life! – yes that is one thing I definitely have in common with the local culture…a loose conception of time!)
But while things are really generally going very well, I guess I am a little bit homesick, but not because I want to come home. I am happy to be here and excited that things have been very busy. But there are times when I miss the familiarity of home. I don’t miss being at home in my apartment, because I really needed to get away and focus on my scholarly writing. I don’t miss American food or my car or TV because I needed a break from those things as well. I miss having good friends and family close by, but with facebook and skype, I talk to people every day, and so I am fine in this department as well. Oddly enough, it is my beloved cat that I miss!
When I get home from work each day, and I settle in for the night, I miss Monkey. I miss snuggling with her when I lie down, I miss her little voice, and the way she smells…it’s so weird! At the lowest point this last week I started to feel guilty for leaving her because I kept thinking that she feels abandoned and that she cannot understand why I am not there. Yes…I know she is just a cat…but she is my constant companion! Before I had her, I had never owned a cat, having grown up with dogs, and now that she has been my cat for 5 or 6 years, through 5 states and 5 apartments - I am totally enamored with her! She comes when I call her name, she talks constantly (something we have in common), she sleeps under the covers with me, she doesn’t care if I haven’t showered, she sits with me when I cry, she shows off for all of my friends, she even flirts with all boys! In short…she is my little friend!
So more than a few times in the short time that I have been here, I keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye, but it turns out to be a pillow or something. I have even considered taking a stray while I am here (there are enough of them) but what would I do when I leave? Just turn the stray back out on the street? Anyhow, I will survive the Monkey home-sickness, to be sure. It just strikes me as funny that of all the things and people I have left behind, it is the cat that I miss! So silly!!!
Some highlights of the past week…I have received a grant from the US embassy to attend a conference in Skopje, Macedonia in March! I am super excited to go as I will be there for 5 days or so and will get to see some friends that I have not seen in a while. I also love these regional conferences b/c you really get to meet some great people.
I also found out yesterday that a Croatian-American friend will be in Belgrade over this coming weekend for a local conference, and will stay at my place. This should be great b/c it will be fun to be able to host and hang out.
Also in the last week I have been doing tons of work. While I have been doing my own work, of course, I have also put in a few long days working for a USAid scholarship program which is helping to select 24 Serbian students to study abroad at US universities for a year. For the last week we have been interviewing these students.
There are 2 committees doing the interviews. My group consists of a Serbian English language professor, a Serbian woman who is the cultural affairs officer for the US embassy here and myself. There are a total of 200 students being interviewed, with my group interviewing somewhere around 100 students (from which we can only choose 12!!) and the other group interviewing the other 100 or so. We meet with the other committee on Friday to choose the finalists. It has been really great, but so hard to choose.
There have been some very interesting students and I have really enjoyed talking to them. Some are so enthusiastic about the opportunity, and being somewhat insecure about my own foreign language abilities, I really feel for them as they all have to interview in English, and some are really nervous. In general, most have excellent English, but it is clear that many have not practiced with native speakers.
It has been interesting to see what these young people imagine the US to be like. Many think that US students are very serious in their studies. (Which while somewhat true, does not resonate with the several students in every class I teach who feel no shame in saying out loud to me in class “Umm…I don’t really like to read or write so I mean is this class…like…going to be hard or anything?” To which I often want to say “You know, I’m pretty sure Burger King is hiring right now and you don’t have to read or write to drop fries! And think of the money you will save!” or “I am not sure why I got a ‘C’ on this assignment! I took this class [or this major] because it was supposed to be easy!” To which I would like to say “I am sorry, but I do not have a PhD in easy!”)
Some interviewees think that Americans hate Serbs and that we think very negative things about Serbia. (Which makes me feel a bit bad given that many people I know thought I was going to Syria or Siberia, while some have said things like “Serbia!?! Wait, did that used to be called something else?” or “Isn’t that like in Africa or something?” or even “Serbia, whoa! Wait…are the roads paved there? Do they have like indoor toilets?”)
While several interviewees told us that they already knew everything about America because they watch American movies about high school and have seen a lot of MTV. (Whoa! Are they in for a shock!)
One very odd interview was with a male student who spoke as if he had learned English from Chaucer or something. He used a painfully proper style, with a grave tone and words that most native English speakers would have to use a dictionary to understand. The oddest part of this interview was when we asked him what he thought some of the differences between US and Serbian universities might be, to which he said “Serbian university professors exercise an insipid style of instruction the absurdity of which inhibits the erudition of his or her pupils.”
Hmmm…considering that there is a Serbian university professor on the interview committee, I am not certain that this was such a good choice, not to mention the fact that his language choices throughout the interview painted a mental picture for me…this guy gets placed in a small town somewhere where most people do not even know where Serbia is. He pontificates loudly and gravely to his fellow students in the dorm who within a week or so are punching him every time they walk by him.
One really cool thing has been interviewing so many female students who are studying various sciences, math, engineering, etc. One very memorable interview was with a girl in mechanical engineering whose enthusiasm for motors made me want to go build an engine! Another was with a girl who is studying English literature. While many of the English language & lit students were somewhat dull, this woman gave a spontaneous analysis of Toni Morrison in her interview and then expressed contagious enthusiasm about the opportunity to take Women’s Studies courses in the US.
Through this process I also have been reminded of some less-globally-admired aspects of US culture that seem so “natural” to us. The most difficult to swallow was the realization that other cultures find it somewhat distasteful that we Americans are somewhat shameless self-promoters – always selling ourselves. Now I attribute this to the fact that we are a competitive, individualist, capitalist country wherein you are a commodity that must be sold, and you are your own PR/Advertising agent. Yet, this still did not help the sting of realization that other cultures do not like this about us. How did I come by this realization?
Well…we were interviewing a student yesterday who said in both his written essay and in his interview that he is a person who is not very secure in himself. Now, as an American, my first thought was “If you don’t want to sell yourself, why should I buy?” In the course of the interview we ask the students to talk about a quality about themselves that they thing is their strongest. When we asked this student this question he said “It is not for me to say what is best about me. I cannot think of what is good about myself. It is better that I tell you what I need to work on.” I was shocked and frustrated that he was, in my eyes, “self-destructing” in the interview and I said to him “We don’t know you. This is your chance to tell us why you are better suited than others for this opportunity. You need to sell us your ‘brand.’ Make us want to buy what you are selling.” He was flustered and I felt a bit guilty.
After that interview, the 2 Serbian women on the panel said they liked him b/c he was humble. I was shocked and said that he seemed insecure and needy (and that I had wanted to hit myself over the head with a shoe for much of the interview). They laughed and said that this is a very American way to view this guy’s answers. They said that while he had clearly not done his homework with regard to what might impress an American panel, that it is a very American thing to talk about your achievements and strong points. They said that it is much more Serbian to act as if you are no better than anyone else (which may be a socialist cultural value, or may just speak to the fact that Americans are so indoctrinated in the consumerist mentality that everything is a constant commodity exchange).
I was embarrassed. I thought about all the times since I have been here that I talked to people about things I have done in an effort to appear credible and worthy, and was embarrassed that I must’ve come off as an arrogant braggart! One of the women then pointed out to me that British people tend to be much more humble than Americans and are masters of self-deprecation. I agreed that this was the case, but pointed out that when British people “self-deprecate” it is most often done with a joke, and an not out-right demonstrative performance of insecurity as we had seen in this student.
Now I am totally in love with the British clever self-deprecating humor, and truly appreciate humbleness in a person. I try at all points to make others feel appreciated and valued in conversation. And I am aware that the fact that I have a PhD can make some others feel intimidated, and so I do make every effort in casual conversation to NOT talk about my accomplishments, etc. However, when in conversation with professional peers or superiors, I am not shy to bring up things that may allow me to seem more credible, given that my effervescent personality and proclivity toward chattiness (and chattiness often ingrained with pop-culture nonsense) can allow people to see me as less intellectually credible than I am. But it had not occurred to me that I may be coming off as a jerk.
So…I guess while I am embarrassed that it had not occurred to me sooner, I am truly thankful that this was called to my attention early on in my stay here instead of much later when the clueless tornado-like self-promotion efforts may have caused more damage!
Another good thing to have come from this epiphany has to do with an idea that my colleague Eric and I have been kicking around. Now, in their street style, the people here are very well dressed. There is a total lack of obese people and even overweight people are a rare sight. No one wears track suits and running shoes or even army pants (though I suspect that “cammo fashion” may be something reserved for countries not so freshly removed from actual war.)
The women here are very attractive, and often wear tight jeans or short skirts with dangerously high-heeled boots (worn over the jeans) and tight tops that reveal buxom figures exaggerated by their thin, tall bodies. This is complemented by heavy eye-liner, ironed hair - dyed black or blonde -, and in the most extreme cases, brightly painted nails and distractingly “blingy” jewelry. The men wear nicely fitted jeans, name-brand (logo apparent) tops (fitted to show muscular physiques if applicable), cool sneakers or shoes (all of which appear brand new), well styled/overly gelled hair, and some kind of “blingy” watch and/or bracelet and/or necklace.
All of this is fine (even pleasurable eye-candy for us outsiders) for the street, cafes, clubs, shopping, going to class, and even jobs at trendy shops and cafes. [And is a refreshing contrast to most US college campuses where most men wear a uniform of baggy jeans or khakis (from Gap or Old Navy), a baseball cap, and some kind of fraternity t-shirt or un-tucked, wrinkled button-down oxford. While girls often wear track-suit bottoms with some kind of words on the butt (like “juicy”) or cotton micro-minis with sorority t-shirts or plain fitted t’s with mini ½ length hoodie sweatshirts over top.] However, I was surprised to see that the students who came for the interviews did not bother to dress professionally in the least. The same style that they would wear out in the evening or to class was their choice for the interview as well.
Now I should point out that all the Serbian women who work in the office where the interviews were taking place were dressed very sharp and professionally…so there must be a point at which people do “cross-over.” Yet, even though American students tend to dress a bit sloppy for day-to-day activities, they all know to dress professionally for interviews.
So…with the lack of self promotion that was evident in the aforementioned interviewee, in conjunction with the sometimes ill considered, sometimes borderline inappropriate clothing choices we saw in the interviews, and with my own experience in Hungary where I worked for a company that ran English language public speaking and negotiation seminars for non-native English speakers, the idea has come about that it may be useful to offer a few professional development/preparation seminars for the local students who DO wish to work for international organizations at some point. It might be fun and worthwhile to hold a “dress for success” seminar, an “interviewing to put your best self forward” seminar and maybe a “public and professional presentation” seminar.
Anyhow, I am still thinking through it, but there is a place here called the American Corner where they have speakers and seminars for people. As I was discussing my idea with the other women on the interview panel they thought it may be a good idea to offer these seminars through the American Corner, and I am happy with that.
OK – well I will sign off for now. Thanks for reading and I will post more adventures in the next week.
Xina
Posts
