Belgrade - Keeps gettin' better!

So…since my last post telling of my “willie waterbug” shower trauma, things here in Serbia have improved exponentially...with just a few setbacks…just as I thought they would!

I can’t believe it has only been a week! There is so much to do and to learn that each day seems to be a week unto itself!! But after my first week here in Belgrade I am really starting to get into the swing of things and starting to enjoy myself.

Now, while I was always committed to staying positive and excited about my time here, the first few days were challenging in many ways (as I noted in previous entries) and when I woke-up on Sunday (again at some ungodly early hour b/c I am still not over jet-lag) and the sky was once again grey with fog and rain (I had begun to think that the sun had forgotten about Serbia!) a feeling of gloom to match the sky had settled over me. I was feeling frustrated that I was struggling with the Cyrillic alphabet, was tired of the rain, was annoyed that I did not have a working shower and was feeling generally far away and foreign.

Adding to these gloomy feelings was the fact that the neighborhood I have settled in, a place in the old part of the city called Dorcol, does not look like the Belgrade I remember. The large communist bloc buildings are run down, there is trash overflowing the dumpsters on the street, there are large patches of mud where grass should be, and no one ever smiles on the street (where are the Mormon missionaries when you need them?).

Some Gloomy images from the windows of my Belgrade flat...

I had been trying to keep a positive attitude, but was sinking into grey when I received a call from a friend of a friend – a Macedonian guy named Bojan who lives here in Belgrade. In spite of the horrid wet weather (and doubly in spite of the fact that Balkan people in general seem to fear that death will find them if they have wet hair and get a chill), Bojan came to my apartment to take me out in the downtown of the city. HOORAY!!!

Upon arriving in the downtown area – just a 7 minute walk from my flat – I was overcome with a sense of joy and relief! Here is the European city I remember! Walking areas, cute shops, gorgeous buildings and even more gorgeous people!!! We went to a lovely café for a coffee, and had a great talk about everything under the sun. Then, after quickly buying umbrellas, we went to several bookstores in the downtown shopping district (called Knez Mihailova) where I bought a great map of the city, a fantastic guidebook about Belgrade and a nice collection of interviews with Edward Said! We then went to the market to buy the part I needed to fix my shower.

Cool church in downtown Belgrade...

Cool building in downtown Belgrade...

Austrian Embassy Downtown Belgrade...

Knez Mihailova - shopping district - downtown Belgrade...

So Sunday was a GREAT day!!! There was a somewhat sad moment however when I realized that I had seen on more than one occasion an elderly person digging through the trash and/or begging on the street. I was not surprised to see Roma (“gypsy”) kids begging in the streets, as, although sad, this is a common sight in southern Europe. But I was shocked and saddened to see people who looked like they could be my own grandmother in such a state of destitution. Bojan explained to me that these were people who had grown up under the socialist system and who as a result of the collapse of socialism now had no retirement and could not find work as any open jobs go to younger people. I immediately felt guilty for throwing away food I did not finish, and learned that it is common practice for people to place unwanted food in a plastic bag and hang it next to the trash bins so that people did not have to dig for it.

Monday I was up ridiculously early again and had my first day of work. I was commissioned to serve on a fellowship committee to help choose 20 Serbian college students to study for a year in the US on a USAid fellowship. While I go a little lost on the way, the fact that the sun was shining for the first time since my arrival overrode any potential frustration I may have felt. My neighborhood actually looked beautiful in the morning sunlight and I really enjoyed my first day of this job.

View of lovely sunrise from my Belgrade flat...

When the work was done for the day, I walked from the office through the downtown into the most lovely city park I have ever seen! Kallemegdan Park is like Belgrade’s Central Park. It is HUGE, gorgeous and filled with people. There is a part where people are selling various wares, as well as a zoo, a small amusement park for kids, a few cafes, a night club, and many statues and monuments all situated on several levels of a large hill overlooking the point where the Danube and Sava rivers come together. The park itself in situated around a large fortress that is thousands of years old.

As I walked around the park taking pictures and looking at things, I was approached by an old man (it is common for retired men to gather in the park during the day – forced out of their homes by their wives who need some space to themselves) who saw me taking photos. He began to speak to me in Serbian and I was stammering and awkward at first. I expected that once he heard my terrible language skills that he would retreat and I would go about my business, but amusingly this was not the case. This man walked with me around the park for 2 hours, talking to me in Serbian the entire time! While I only caught about 60% of what he said, by the end of the conversation, my language skills had started to come back, and I began to remember a lot of my vocabulary. The highlight of our conversation had to be the Serbian “history lesson” he gave to me, which surprisingly I actually understood given that this is an area that I have studied!

View of merchants in Kallemegdan...

View from Kallemegdan Park...

Part of fortress in park...

Part of fortress in park...

After 2 hours I was thoroughly freezing and my feet were aching (given that I had just come from work and was wearing heels). I hobbled home, happy that I had practiced my language, thrilled that I now know enough to have found my way home, and excited to get home and get warm! But all in all…Monday was a great day!!

Tuesday was to be my first day at the university where I will teach this semester. While it was again gloomy outside, it was not raining and the single day of sunshine is enough to hold the promise of better days to come such that the gloomy weather is no longer getting under my skin so much. I met my colleague Eric who showed me the way to the university (a 40 minute commute by tram) and after stopping to marvel at the local street construction workers who were enjoying a beer with their 9am break, we were off to my new job.

When we arrived at the “Faculty of Political Sciences” where my office is located, one of the first things I noticed was that we somehow had been in a time machine. There were students gathered outside and in the hallways, and all were smoking – inside and out. As you pass each office of the faculty members, they were also smoking as they enjoyed their Turkish coffees which were being delivered by a woman who you call from your office and who then brings your coffee in minutes!! Eric brought me to our shared office, which is as large as most Dutch apartments and is as well appointed as any office I have had at American universities with the exception of a printer…which would have come in handy!

I then had several meetings with those faculty members with whom I will work, and then enjoyed a delightful lunch in the adorable faculty restaurant (NOTE: not a cafeteria, but a REAL restaurant!) where we ate a delicious Serbian meal with several faculty members. One of the faculty members with whom we dined was talking about the state of Serbian politics. She mentioned something about knowing the current president, a man named Boris Tadic, and of having known the previous president (who had been assassinated a few years back) a man named Zoran Djindjic. At first I thought she meant she “knew” them in the sense that she had studied them – the way that those of us who study political discourse “know” Clinton or Regan or Bush – when I suddenly realized that she meant she KNEW them – like she had grown up with them, went to school with them, fought for change in Serbia with them!!! Imagine…actually knowing your leaders!! It struck me as amazing to live in a country where one could actually KNOW the people who were the leaders!!!

All-in-all my first day at the University made me really excited to start my work here!!! I am so lucky to get to work with people who are so well connected to the people and phenomena that I will study here, and for the first time since I have been here I felt so lucky, so totally fortunate to have been awarded this fellowship!! Now, Serbian students are different in many ways from American students [for example: while American students are not ashamed to say things to their professors like “I don’t really like to read and write” and often skip classes, Serbian students are dedicated to learning all that they can; on the other hand, Serbian students, while highly skilled at rote memory, are not skilled at critical/analytical thinking, and rarely if ever challenge or question professors (who are thought to have ultimate knowledge). American students are much better at this, and most often easily engage in discussion and debate. So…these are a few of the differences I will have to adjust to.] Still, I am so excited to get into the classroom here and see what I can learn from the students and how I can use my teaching style to ignite their passions in different ways!!

As we took the tram back to our part of town, Eric and I decided to get off the tram a few stops early to walk through the city on our way home. Again, as I was at work and because people here all dress very sharply, I was dressed in my work clothes and wearing heels. Much to my horror (though not the least bit surprising for those who know me) as I alighted from the train, I stepped in a small pot-hole on the side walk and hit the ground with the force of a dozen eggs being dropped from a 12th story roof! SMACK!! Road rash on both hands, bleeding knees, and severely bruised pride, I jumped to my feet as if I was fine, and walked home with each step shooting fire up my legs!!! A few more wobbles on the cobblestone streets convinced me that 2 days in heels are enough for the entire 6 months I am here! I vowed to send all of my heeled shoes home!!!

My first wounds...

I stopped back at my apartment, immediately put on my Chuck Taylors, and left the flat again to go meet Eric’s wife, Meg, with whom I was to spend the evening. The first thing we did was go shoe shopping as now I realized I was in need of some nice work shoes that did not have ANY heel! As I saw my reflection in several store windows, it became immediately clear that, although I LOVE my Chuck Taylor’s, I looked terribly out of place in a city where everyone looks well put together. As such, upon purchasing a comfy and heel-less pair of boots, I put them on my feet in spite of inadequate sock choice.

Meg & I continued on our journey, visiting 2 parts of town I had not yet been, and choosing a cute café for dinner and drinks. The walk was lovely, the city was buzzing and even though my feet were screaming as blisters formed on my toes and heels, I was having a wonderful time! At dinner I ordered a Jack on the rocks. (Viskej sa ledom). The waiter then asked me in Serbian what sounded like “How many ice would you like?” Sure I did not understand I asked him to repeat himself, which he did twice. Again, sure I was confused about my vocabulary, I asked again and when he said in English “How many ice do you want?” I laughed at myself a little!! I had not misunderstood him! I had forgotten that it is a truly American thing to assume a glassful of ice with enough whiskey to look like 3 or 4 fingers when poured on top – a nice pour that would be naturally expected at home. In Europe at large the American obsession with ice is often commented upon and asked about. Whether it be Coke, or lemonade or liquor, local people do not often use ice at all, and if they do it is one or two cubes. So…while I was a little embarrassed that I had forgotten this and assumed that with ice means ICE and LOTS OF IT, I was also a little bit glad that I had actually understood what he was saying in Serbian, I had just lost the cultural context!!

After a truly lovely meal, we walked (well I hobbled at this point) back to my neighborhood and upon reaching my flat (and tearing off my shoes!) I fell into a deep and satisfied sleep! Tuesday was a great day!!! Even with the fall, and the blisters and the mis-communications…I went to sleep totally content and excited to move into the next few days.

Today is Wednesday. I had to go to the US embassy as well as the Serbian government offices for my residency visa. It is pouring rain again, and it has gotten cold. Still, I am happy and looking forward to going to work at the scholarship committee again tomorrow and Friday. Things are good here in Serbia and they keep getting better. I know there will still be some stupid moments, and I will likely trip and fall more than one more time, but overall, I am really pleased with the progress I have made so far and feel that I am getting used to the cultural differences and am well positioned for great productivity in my work while I am here.

I am meeting some very interesting and exciting people. I am getting to know the good things on offer here in the city. And I am actually starting to be really busy!!!

So with this, I will sign off for today. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the photos!

Titanic - hope or disaster?

Now this may be a little cheezy, but bear with me...it is just some rambling thoughts I have been working through today...

Since the moment I sat down on the plane, through the hours I spent at Heathrow waiting for my connecting flight, to the week or so I have been here in Belgrade, everyone with whome I have spoken has said some version of the same thing. “Congratulations! We are very happy about your new president. We like him very much. He is much better than Bush.” It seems that many people in the world believe in “Hope & Change,” and I agree with them.

From the time Barak Obama gave the keynote address at the Democratic Convention 4 years ago, I believed in him. Here was a man who spoke so differently than any politician I had heard since I have been old enough to pay attention.

I was not certain he would be elected as the Democratic candidate this time around. He is young and Hilary Clinton, John Edwards and even McCain seemed to have a better chance at obtaining the presidency this time around, but still I hoped that Obama would one day be our president.

When Obama won the election in November I was filled with hope and excitement in a way that I had not thought possible. I study global conflict for a living and do not have a lot of hope for the condition of the world in general. But now, for the first time in a long time, I do.

Today, while waiting at the US embassy to register my Serbian residence, I spoke to a man named Vlado. Like so many others I have spoken with, Vlado remarked how thrilled he is that Obama is our new president. He said to me that he really hopes that one day Obama will visit Serbia. Vlado said he thought that the last US president to come to Serbia was Johnson, and at that point Serbia was part of Yugoslavia. He remembered that Clinton had come to Sarajevo, and that Bush had been to Croatia, Slovenia, and even Albania (though he also remembered – to my amusement - that while Bush was in the region, he continually confused Slovenia and Slovakia!), but even though NATO bombs fell on Serbia in 1999, and the US and UN had a hand in the fate of Kosovo, none of our leaders had been to Serbia in quite a long time.

I told Vlado that I agreed with him – that I too had a lot of hope for Obama, but that Obama has a large hill to climb. So many hopes – the world’s and the nation’s – are pinned on Obama. But he is only one man, and fixing so many problems in the world and in the US is a lot to expect from one man. I then told Vlado about a sort of lucid dream I had this morning right before I woke…

Now I often wake with ideas or songs in my head and often they flee as quickly as they came, but this dream has been sitting in my head all day…I had dreamt of a disaster that has been a small obsession of mine since I was young, and as I spoke to Vlado it occurred to me that the dream was a sort of metaphor for the current state of the USA… I had dreamt about the Titanic. [Not the film with Leo Dio and Kate W., but the disaster itself - as if I were on that boat]

The grandest technological accomplishment of its day – a triumph of man over nature - a ship said to be unsinkable! But on that day in 1912, the arrogance of man’s imagination of progress and indestructible grandeur was fully brought to bear.

Naively believed to be unsinkable, the huge, impressive, modern accomplishment (USA?)speeds blindly into an iceberg (“W”?).

Even once the ship is mortally wounded, most passengers in their arrogance refuse to believe that the ship could go down – after all haven’t we been told it is unsinkable (the most powerful country in the world?)?

While some quickly seeing the writing on the wall fled for the lifeboats, many seem annoyed at any disruption in their luxury trip and attempted to keep up the charade that everything was OK.

Meanwhile, those in steerage class began to see that they would soon perish and tried in vain to get to safety, but their inevitable fate was already a sealed along with them in the very bottom of the ship even as the water was rising around their feet.

While the most wealthy are ushered to safety (“bailed out” if you will) with some even donning disguises to beat the most vulnerable to safety (Madoff ?), the weaker and less fortunate are left to fend for themselves (Katrina victims?), or at the very least to fight tooth and nail for their very survival (auto industry?).

When it becomes clear that there is no saving this majestic ship, hundreds begin to push to get to the too few safety boats, without recognition that it was their own inability to earlier realize and correct their dual error – 1) putting their trust in an ill prepared, disinterested captain and crew and 2) their slow realization that the ship is sinking – that left them too late to save themselves and others in the face of inevitable disaster.

As the ship sinks, the band plays on (lingering Bush-ites?). While some are saved, most will perish, including nearly all the poor along with many wealthy and many more middle class passengers.

So is Bush the iceberg or the captain? Is the iceberg the wars, financial crisis, environmental disasters, Guantanemo, etc.? Did the captain and crew miss the warning signs that forced the ship into the iceberg, or did they ignore them with arrogance? As we look back in retrospect can we see all the minor mistakes and warning signs that could’ve stopped the collision? Do the ships that were close by, but failed to intervene to help the Titanic in time to save more people represent those of us who took too long to speak out? I need to think about it some more.

When I told Vlado about this dream he said “But this time the boat will not sink! Obama has answered the SOS call. He will save the ship.”

Oh how I wish this were possible. But it seems to me that even while I fully believe that Obama is honest and well intentioned that it is more likely that he is bailing the ocean’s water rushing into the sinking ship with a mop bucket.

Maybe I am reading too much into this dream, forcing an ill fitted or overly simplistic metaphor, but all the same, it is haunting me somewhat. It reminds me of the cliché “there is nothing new under the sun” in the sense that so many of history’s disasters seem to follow similar trajectories. We imagine ourselves so advanced, so learned, but we keep making the same mistakes over and over. I have little hope for the human condition, let alone for our nation.

Obama is our greatest hope – both for the nation and for the image of the nation in the broader world, but it is just so much for one man. As the world pins its hopes on Barak Obama, I hold my breath and hope for the best. The fact that there is a person with whom it is possible to reinvent the image of the US abroad is both exciting and scary. It would take a super-human – a “hero” – to do all of the things each of us hopes he can do. But maybe…just maybe…maybe it is time for such a hero. Can one person spark enough change to change the trajectory of the nation and the world? Or have be passed the point of no return?

I for one hope that Obama is the one who will lead us all to think and act differently. He cannot change the world on his own, but it is possible that he can inspire enough people to act in great ways that we can bring about change. Obama cannot bail the water fast enough on his own, but if his earnest work and thoughful leadership can inspire people to pitch-in, maybe we can save this ship.

I did not think it was possible, but I hope for Vlado, and all the world that he represents that we as a nation will be inspired to sacrifice, get our hands dirty, and work hard to keep the wounded Titanic afloat so that we can build a better boat for the future.

Willie Waterbug - my Serbian shower

Well…since yesterday things are getting a lot more exciting…

Yesterday morning I went to start the bureaucratic nightmare of obtaining my residency visa. Mostly it is a lot like going to the DMV when you move to a new state in the US, only everyone is smoking, even as they are standing right in front of the no smoking sign. It doesn’t bother me, I think it’s funny actually. I mean here you are in this office where there are so many opaque and outdated rules and regulations, all of which the people working there enforce with a relish seldom seen outside of Germany [NOTE: this kind of passion for rules is very un-Serbian, and the blatant disregard for the no smoking sign underscores this].

Anyhow, as expected, I was sent away to gather more redundant papers and asked to return next week – so fine. But then the real fun began…Igor – the embassy rep who went with me to help the process along – was kind enough to take me to buy a few things! YESSSS! I finally have a hairdryer! I even bought a curling iron, 2 power strips, AND a Serbian SIM card for my mobile phone!!! Success!!

On top of that, I spoke Serbian for a significant part of the day – so I feel a tiny victory on my part. Yet, given that this is a language that few foreigners learn - without fail – everytime I speak in Serbian, the person to whom I am speaking gets this amused grin on their face. They try to hide it, but it is the kind of little smile that you might have when you are trying to take seriously a child’s litany of school day frustrations. Again, I don’t mind. At least they are not rude [ie., “Please speak English! Your French hurts my ears!”] . It’s more like they are amused…like they think it’s “cute.” I’m sure I sound like a colloquial Yoda, and I’m sure I would be amused if the situation were reversed, so I don’t mind.

I was later invited to have dinner with an American colleague who lives here with his wife and 3 boys. They moved here in September and he will be my office mate at the University. It was really fun to hang out and share experiences, etc. We ate tacos [HOORAY!] and drank rakia [local homemade liquor reminiscent of fruit infused gasoline] and the very best part was their 7 year old son who has, in just a few months, become fluent in Serbian. That is sooo cool!

I again fell asleep really early and was awake by 4am. Fine…no problem…I had a lot of work to do today for an organization I am working with next week so I had a coffee and got down to business. I worked most of the day on that stuff until about 8pm. Now this is my first full day of focused work and that is awesome. I expect that I am going to get a lot of work done here and that is really exciting. But…it is through this process that the dark side of my cute little flat is becoming apparent…

1st – I need a comfortable work table!!! I am so sore from sitting at the crap wicker outdoor patio furniture table in this apartment!!!

2nd – I need more curtains! I feel like everyone can see right into my place because the drapes are made of flimsy chiffon.

3rd – now this is the biggie…I was so excited to wash my hair today. I finally got a hairdryer and I was like 2 days overdue for a good hair washing. So after working all day I decide to reward myself with a long hot shower.

I get wet, and am just about to start scrubbing my hair when suddenly the tube that attaches the showerhead to the faucet springs this crazy leak [think “willie waterbug”] and begins shooting water all over the bathroom…pretty much everywhere but on me! Dripping from the ceiling…filling up the trash can…saturating the 24 roles of toilet paper I bought yesterday… soaking my towels…I mean ALL OVER! But what am I to do? I am soapy and ½ washed and trying to control this wild force of nature shooting out of the middle of the hose.

I turn off the shower to see if I can fix it, but I just make it worse! What started out as a ½ inch split in the hose, partially contained by the metal spiral casing becomes with my futile and clumsy “fix-it” attempts a much longer and angrier hole, which I recognized when I turned the shower back on.

Now coming with mad force from the middle of the hose there is a combination of fire-hose strength water mixed with the blood that had begun to pore from the tiny slices that the metal casing had made in my fingers, as the slit in the hose that had grown from ½ inch to about 2 inches.

Soap now in my eyes, hair ½ washed, I think to myself “well I will just finish my hair in the faucet and will buy a new showerhead and hose tomorrow.” When I remember that I have no idea how to explain to the salesperson at the store (and no idea how to find the store) what I need.

They don’t teach you this kind of vocab in language school, nor on the audio lessons I bought on audible as a refresher before I left. You learn things like “The woman is wearing a blue dress” and “I would like to buy some bread please” and “Can you tell me where the food market is?” and even “I would like to take a shower.” But somehow phrases like “Do you know where there is a store for shower parts?” or “My shower head exploded like Willie Waterbug and I need a new one, and by the way I have no tools or practical skills to install it” are not included in the language lessons!

[And I must point out as well that there is no such thing as Home Depot here. Instead there are small shops everywhere that seem to sell randomly paired things (like electric potato mashers and curling irons in one shop, but not hairdryers for example, and everyone else seems to know that you need to go to the hairdryer and vacuum store for a hairdryer). And all of these little stores have specific names – again that I did not learn in language school!]

Still, I want to stress that I am not mad or frustrated even. Instead I am humbled by all that I do not know! And I am amused at the fact that something that would be so simple to take care of at home seems as daunting and challenging as a calculus exam for me at the moment. Luckily, tomorrow I am meeting a friend of a friend who I hope will be able to take me to the shower store to get the part I need. And maybe I will feel another victory as I learn how to install it! And maybe…just maybe…I will even find a writing table while on my outing tomorrow…oh…dare to dream! (It would be fantastic [and not the least bit surprising] if there is a shower head and writing table store!)

OK…well I am tired and hungry and am going to sign-off now. Next week will be filled with all new adventures and I look forward to reporting them. It’s funny in a way, to keep a record of these minute daily trials at the front end of my trip that will in a few weeks be barely a phantom memory. I used to keep a travel journal and was always amazed when I returned home and read it over again at how many things happen on a day-to-day basis that you forget. In a week or two, as I am fully acculturated I will not even remember these feelings or experiences.

So I guess I will finish by saying HOORAY for blog! It is my travel diary so that I can look back at this in July and laugh at how totally clueless I am right now!
Thanks for reading and I will write more next week!

The unbearable conspicuousness of being foreign

I have arrived! I am in Belgrade! So this is my first entry since actually arriving in Serbia. Not much exciting has happened so far, but I will give a brief synopsis of my trip up to this point…

Part 1 – The Journey…

After a tearful good-bye to my trusty side-kick, Monkey Morus, and an immensely helpful airport assist from Paul and the kind folks at Newark airport, my first leg from Newark to London was great. In fact, I had like 5 seats to myself so I was able to lie down, catch a couple hours of sleep and watch some movies.

Arriving disoriented and exhausted at Heathrow, I then schlepped my all too heavy carry-on bags through the airport, was stopped for what seemed like an eternity at security while they took apart all of my things, purchased a lovely and affordable utilitarian wrist-watch at duty-free (thanks to the deflated British Pound), ate an English breakfast and settled in to wait for what seemed like days (but was only 5 hours) for my connecting flight to Belgrade.

I had feared that both I and my bags would be lost upon arrival, but things went smoothly as I was met by a driver from the university here, and was whisked away to my new Belgrade digs. On the way I was treated to an excited litany of all Belgrade nightlife might have to offer (NOTE: it is possible that the driver thought I was 25 instead of 35). Upon arriving at my new flat, I was met by Aci & Caca (my new landlords) who were helpful and kind. While I had been awake for nearly 36 hours at this point and everytime I blinked I would begin to dream, my landlords were infinitely helpful – taking me to the police station for the obligatory guest registry, and then to the local grocery store where Caca sweetly helped me gather food for the next day.

After unpacking I went to sleep that first night, expecting to sleep deep and long into the next day. Oddly enough, although exhausted, jet lag has hit me harder this time than ever before! It is now the beginning of my third day here, and I seem to fall asleep like an elderly person…often and fitfully, in whatever position I sit for more than 10 minutes! But I wake every few hours.

Part 2 – my small world so far…

My flat is a cute, top floor apartment in what I have been told is the city center. (However the fact that the street signs are all in the Cyrillic alphabet has kept me from venturing more than 2 blocks in any direction at this point so I may be in Russia for all I know.) The place is spacious, but also sparsely furnished, so at some point I will need to find the Serbian equivalent of a thrift shop. All I really need to fill the place out is a hair dryer, a comfortable writing table/desk, and a few power strips (clearly people do not plug-in many things here!)

My second day was largely spent imitating the cat I left behind – sleep, eat, clean self, repeat. I ventured out in the late afternoon, but upon realizing that I had not taken a map, and could not read the street signs, I did not go far. I feel so small right now…so conspicuously foreign and stupid! I have been so shy to speak outloud, even though I have been speaking the language in my head constantly. This will all improve within the next few days, but for now it is a little scary!

Day three I began to reach out to those whose phone numbers I had been given. I needed to contact the agency for which I will work next week, as well as contact the representative from the embassy that will help me with my residency visa. I also contacted a few folks whose numbers I had from my last visit to this city (a visit that was made nearly effortless thanks to the accompaniment of my assistant who had grown up here – god I wish she was here now…but I am a big girl and I can do this all by myself!).

So today is day 4 – it is Friday. I am up grossly early and waiting to be picked up by Igor – the embassy rep who will start me on the way to legal residency. He will also take me to buy a hair dryer and a Serbian SIM card for my mobile phone. With luck I will also get a map today and maybe even find the right GPS maps for my hand-held Garmin so I can actually navigate this city!

I am excited to get familiar with everything so I can start being productive. I vow today to speak out loud in Serbian, and to expand my world further than my 2 blocks. By Monday when I need to start work, I vow to know where that work is located and to get there without freak-out. I also vow to have coffee with at least 2 different people so as to jump-start my social/professional network.

I will soon provide photos for those interested. As of now, when I look out the window of my flat, things look muddy, grey and depressed…not the city I remember from the summer time!

So with these somewhat dull details I will sign-off for now. My next entry will be more interesting, colorful and deserving of your attention. Now…I go to meet Igor to start broadening my world. I hate the first few humbling days of being a foreigner, but I look forward to the eventual adjustment that is on the horizon when I love living in a new place. I know it will come soon!

Thanks for reading…until next time…Xina

An unsolicted tribute to Clint Eastwood - a master of his art!

OK, so this really will be my last post before I arrive in Belgrade. As far as my trip preparations go...I am nearly there. I am sure I have forgotten tons of stuff that I am supposed to do, and I can't seem to fall asleep at night, but I am reaching the acceptance stage in terms of feeling like I have done all I can to be prepared and now it is time to go and deal with whatever I have forgotten later...

So...what is it that I have to say now??

Well...last night, as I was desperately trying to fall asleep...I caught Clint Eastwood on Letterman. Now I am not particularly crazy about Letterman - I can take him or leave him - but I LOVE Clint Eastwood and last night I was reminded again why...

1st - his utter brilliance as a person and an artist - God that man is brilliant! He is really well-educated with regard to the history and traditions of film. (In fact he referenced Kurosawa [in the context of Fist Full of Dollars which he said was an adaptation of Kurosawa! Something I did not know!], told a story - with subtle humor - about Hitchcock, and mentioned several other "greats" in the context of his interview!)

2nd - his personality - He is so confident and soft-spoken and appropriately self deprecating and sexy (even still at 78 yrs old - yes I would still like to marry him!)!! He can talk about his films and his ideas in such a way that the listener is totally engaged, and he does so in a way that is still likable. He believes in his message and in his projects, but does not think of himself as a genius. And he seems to care very little for his own celebrity, but instead seems to relish his career choice as a way to tell important stories in careful ways.

3rd - his sex appeal - yes, I do get it that he is the same age as my Gramma. I don't care. He is strong and authoritative without being a creep. I have heard a rumor that he is a republican, which I know should send me into fits of horror, but I am positive that if he is in fact a conservative that he is not a "George Bush/Jesus-abusing/war mongering" conservative, and is more of a "less government is more/conserve what we have" type of conservative - aka a more rational intelligent type of conservative. Anyhow, I have not seen any clear evidence of his conservatism, and am convinced that he would at the very least be the type of person who is open to discussion and debate of ideas - which is sexy!

4th - his sense of humor- His sense of humor is so incredibly sharp! It is self-deprecating and subtle in the way that it rewards close attention and even seems somewhat ill suited for the talk-show format as the thought it requires does not seem to fit the quick pace of the "knee slapping" interview that seems to be the expectation of this type of interview.

In contrast - to make my point more clear - now, I like John Stewart, and I admire his intellect, but what bugs me a little about Stewart is the glaringly obvious self "back-patting" type of funny that annoys me about comedians like Sarah Silverman and David Spade. It is this sort of self aware kind of "funny" - this kind of funny that seems to scream "look at me...I am sooo funny!" that takes away from some of the actual humor for me.

To explain further - Amy Sedaris noted in an interview I read recently that the reason she likes to look "ugly" in so many of her on screen characters is that when an ugly person is funny, people are genuinely laughing at and paying attention to what that person has said. The ugly person has won over their audience purely on content. The pretty person, says Amy Sedaris, only thinks that they are funny when really people are paying them attention b/c they are beautiful. Sedaris says this makes her feel a bit bad for the pretty person who is deluded into thinking they are entertaining and interesting.

This self-aware "look at me...I am so cute and funny" that I feel so heavily with Davis Spade and Sarah Silverman, and to a lesser extent with John Stewart, is not present with someone like Clint Eastwood, and this makes him all the more sexy and charming to me. If you don't get the joke, he won't poke you in the ribs or ask "you get it?" (a la clown honking a horn). Instead he will just move on to his next point with a subtle grin.

5th - his usefulness to me as a public speaking teacher - Now, while his sense of humor and confidence are admirable for starters, the first moment I knew he was one of my top most admirable famous people was when I saw an old clip of an academy awards show from years ago. Eastwood was asked at the last minute to give an award in place of someone who did not show up. As a result, there was no cue card written for him. His hilariously appalling public speaking skills were fascinating to me as a public speaking teacher (and serve as further evidence that celebrity is not part of his "thing" as a filmmaker/actor.) It proved so much to me that, while there are many aspects of speaking that share qualities with acting, there are also some aspects of speaking that are unique to speaking itself. Hence this clip is a great one to use in the classroom. In the years since this occasion Eastwood has gotten a lot better at speaking. But this occasion helped solidify for me 2 things....

1) Like most other performative skills, you can practice and polish and become a competent speaker, but there is a certain innate, unteachable "je ne ce quois" to being a truly gifted speaker; and

2) Eastwood is a gifted story teller, director, and even actor, but he is not full of himself, does not engage in acting because of the fame and glory, but because he sees the film medium as his voice. He truly has a gift for using the medium of film to offer powerful messages in ways that are not overbearing.

6th - his utility for me as a teacher of critical media studies and genocide studies- Now...some may say negative things about his westerns or about his Dirty Harry days, but I will point the reader to such westerns as Outlaw Josey Wales and High Plains Drifter to note that even in this genre, once Eastwood gains some amount of creative control over his medium, he embeds broader social messages in his films in ways that do not overpower the film (such as his critique of the treatment of Native Americans as well as his critique of official history and its false authenticity - a theme we see him develop more fully in Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima later in his career). This allows his films to be consumed on a variety of levels and offers a piece of "art," instead of a blockbuster piece of entertainment, in that most of his films keep unpacking themselves in the mind of the audience for days or even years after one first sees the film. I find that I can watch many of his films over-and-over and can pick up on different things each time. This is the mark of a truly excellent film for me.

Now, I will admit that I am not as fanatical about the Dirty Harry days, and not all of his films are deeply-thoughtful "winners" overall, but looking at his body of work as a whole, I have to say that he proves over-and-over again that he has a real gift - a gentle skill when it comes to teaching his audience without preaching at them. Unforgiven is a complex and important film that can be unpacked in so many ways that the fact that it is a western is inconsequential to the broader message. Flags and Letters are films that offer such a powerful critique of the authenticity of history and of "us vs. them" thinking that I wish all of my Rhetoric/Media students as well as my Genocide Studies students could see and discuss them. They complicate easy ideas of war and history and offer a social critique that does not seem heavy handed, but seem easy enough to grasp at the level of the common audience. And the fact that he is most commonly thought of as a sort of man of action, and a sort of action hero on par with Arnold (and that like Arnold, Clint was once - for a brief moment - a politician) helps his more important social messages be palatable for general audiences.

I am not sure why I felt compelled to write this entry/tribute to the man. I just have been thinking about him all day and one day I think I will teach a course that uses only Eastwood films for critical analysis. From a critical media perspective as well as from a critical historical/conflict studies perspective, his body of work is the only one from a single artist that I think could be used to teach so many important concepts. While there are many excellent Polanski films, I am not sure I could use only Polanski.

I guess in closing I will say that Clint Eastwood is in my top three famous people I would love to meet. Bill Clinton is in that number as well, with the third spot a somewhat revolving door of whomever is my most beloved at any given moment (with that spot currently alternating between Stephen Colbert and Barak Obama).

In fact, if I were to host a dinner party and, in addition to 10 friends, I could invite 10 famous people living or dead, the guest list of famous people as of today would include...

1) Clint Eastwood

2) Bill & Hilary Clinton

3) Stephen Colbert

4) Barak & Michelle Obama

5) Nelson Mandela

6) Rachel Maddow

7) Meryl Streep

8) Winston Churchill

9) Eleanor & Franklin D. Roosevelt

10) bell hooks

OK, so it is back to packing. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment with your top three or your top 10 guests for dinner list.

I will write again when I have arrived in Serbia. Wish me luck and keep in touch.

a wierd and funny thing I saw on a friend's facebook....

OK, so in once again screwing around like a junior high kid on my beloved facebook I came across the following on an acquaintance's news feed and thought it was kind of fun...or at least a better way to waste time than watching another episode of CSI. So here goes...

The rules are that you write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag and send it to them. You have to tag the person that tagged you.

These are all true, but I admit I did not take this all too seriously. Most are quite silly. They are listed in no particular order.

1. I love to go to fun parties now just as much as when I was 16. While the activities at said parties may be quite different than they were back then, I just enjoy the idea of talking to lots of different people, drinking good wine and eating good food and especially dancing like a fool to fun music.

2. I love my cat - Monkey Morus - so much that it may be a mental disorder. I never wanted a cat until I had her and now it is hard for me to leave her - even for a weekend! I will miss her the most while I am in Serbia b/c she cannot Skype or email and even though she has her own catbook page on facebook, she will not really be able to update it.

3. I used to have a lovely aquarium. It was pretty and soothing and entertaining. I miss it.

4. Throughout my life I have wanted to marry the following famous people at different points in time...Roger Taylor (drummer for Duran Duran), Bill Clinton, Jim McMahon (QB for Chicago Bears way back in the day), Steve Martin, Clint Eastwood, Brad Pitt, Said (the character from LOST), Anderson Cooper, and now Stephen Colbert

5. I am terrified of propane, or really any explosive gas, as a result of an unfortunate incident with the grill in junior high. I will never light the grill or even a pilot light if I can avoid it.

6. If I could consume just 3 things other than water for the rest of my life they would include Basil Hayden, pepperoni pizza and mushroom soup.

7. I really want to go to Australia. It has been a long time dream for me. A close friend of mine from England finds this obsession baffling as she says that for English people, Austrailia is like Florida (lovely, sunny, but a little cheezy). But this matters not to me. I have a dream of touring Austrailia and would love to do so by bike. I'd also like to go see India, Russia, Thailand and to tour South America (esp. Argentina, Peru, Chile, Venezula & Brazil).

8. I hate washing my hair. (But I do it...of course!)

9. I am terrified of bugs...except the "pretty ones" like butterflies and ladybugs. I am so terrified of bugs that it is like a pathology! I feel such a traumatizing fear that is directly proportionate to the size and color [the blacker the bug the more terrifying, and this is doubly so when the bug is shiney]. When living in Georgia I had quite a terrible time contending with the bugs. It is the only thing I hate about warm weather and one of the best things about having a cat - she will hunt and kill them.

10. I love people who are not afraid to make fun of themselves. It is so charming when someone does not take themselves too seriously. I also like when people make fun of me, and of others, but only when they do so in ways that are more like gentle teazing than outright nastiness - I hate seeing people mocked for weakness or things they cannot help - this makes me angry!

11. I think of myself as a generally pretty open person, but if I have one prejudice it is THE SHY! I hate shy people. I feel like it is so imposing and time consuming to constantly have to attend to the shy. I also feel like they are silently judging me. I try to avoid the shy at all costs.

12. I like to watch movies to help me fall asleep at night. If I am somewhere where I can't do that, I will use my ipod and listen to podcasts.

13. I hate driving. I prefer to walk, ride my bike or take the train whenever possible.

14. My favorite cartoons as a kid were The Smurfs, the Flintstones and the Superfriends.

15. I loved playing with Barbies when I was a kid. My favorite xmas gift was the Barbie house my parents built for my sister and I, and my mom used to make our barbies clothes. They also built us a cottage for the barbies and bought us Tonka trucks for them to ride in instead of the dream car. We did have some Barbie brand stuff though including the Barbie Bubbling Spa and Barbie Loves McDonald's.

16. I don't eat fast food very often, but when I do, I prefer Wendy's!

17. I have a hidden collection of Star Trek memorabilia.

18. I don't think of myself as an "early adopter" of new ideas or new technologies, but I am proud to say that I hated "W" before it was cool and I always thought the war was a bad idea.

19. I hate snow and cold weather. I wish I lived in Southern California. But if I could live in any other country it would be The Netherlands. I love the bike culture and the general attitude as well as the multi-party social-democracy which makes so much sense to me.

20. I don't believe it is a sign of weakness to change one's mind in the face of new information.

21. I like stupid teen movies and pop music.

22. I hate mayonnaise because of a traumatic incident in the 3rd grade when a nun forced me to eat a sandwich she found in the trash that she thought was mine. It was not mine. The sandwich was bologna with mayonnaise. To this day I gag when I get a glob of mayonnaise. I also hate drippy eggs, asparagus and anything with cream sauce. [That same nun made us wear our sweaters over our uniforms even when it was 90 degrees. She said it was a little of our purgatory on earth. I trust she is serving her purgatory now.]

23. I have had tons of aweseome friends throughout my life - all over the world - but my closest friend growing up and the person who I still love above all others to this day is my cousin Amy. She has been my best friend since I was 11 mo. old and will be my best friend until we die (which according to the History Channel will be December of 2012...the predicted date of the next cataclysmic global event...but we will see...)

24. I sing pop songs really loud in the car when no one is with me. My current faves are Miley Cyrus "see you again," and Britney Spears "womanizer"

25. I am clumsy, unbalanced and generally uncoordinated. I am fairly certain that anyone who knows me even a little bit can tell at least one story that involves me falling off of something or falling down some where.

Intro to bloglife (aka packing procrastination)

NOTE: spell checking thingy does not seem to be working so I do apologize in advance for what I trust are errors glaringly obvious to everyone else! [but like I always say with arithmetic and handwriting - two other things I am not that great at - I don't have a PhD in spelling! :-) ]

OK, so I have been thinking about starting a blog for a while, especially after I had so much enjoyed reading my cousin's blog, but it always seemed that if I had that much time to write I should be working. Besides, I thought, who wants to read the mindless ramblings of a mid-30s crazy cat lady?

Well...what I have recently realized is that when I feel like writing but am procrastinating the actual scholarly writing I have to get done, I instead seem to write grossly long emails to people (many of who may not even read them...I mean who wants a novella in an email). So...at my cousin's urging and following her lead, I am making my grand entrance - my red carpet into the Blogosphere.

So...where am I at today...well...my mind feels like the Peanuts character Pig Pen, and my house looks similar as every room has become some sort of staging area in preparation for my trip. In 10 days I am leaving to go live and work in Belgrade, Serbia [NOTE: NOT Siberia, NOT Syria] for 6 months. I was nervous for a long time, then filled with dread of the unknown, and now I am just excited to get on with it. I feel like I have been worrying about it and obsessing over it far longer than I will actually be there. I mean remember what you did in July? That was already 6 months ago!!! Besides, I know the local language (somewhat) and could really use a sort of sabbatical from my life here on the edge of the AC. [NOTE: Beach not nearly as fun in the winter!]

So not only is it going to be a super cultural and professional experience, but it is also going to be like a sort of mental and physical space to recharge. For 6 months I can be whomever I want. I can be a person who gets up early! A person who works out daily [yes I do miss those days!]! A person who says no to a second glass of wine! A reserved person! [NOTE: it helps this cause that my language skills are not advanced enough to have a personality in Serbian language. Imagine a cross between Yoda and the Jim Leher news hour...unintelligable and as interesting as watching paint dry].

So so so...my goals then for this year...1) Learn to live on a budget!!! ; 2) Remember that I actually do love to exercise (I really do!! I don't know why I developed a sudden and year long allergy to it...I was so dilligent for 10 years!) ; 3) send out 3 articles (by August) and a book manuscript (by December); 4) keep up with this blog as a sort of travel journal to remind myself and share with any interested on-lookers the ups and downs and general growth of my life abroad as well as to document all the new places I will see...

[you see, b/c of the terrible state of the US dollar, my year in Europe this time will necessarily have to be almost exclusively southeastern Europe...no Holland...no Spain...no Greece even...and definately no London...but no worries! Still so many things I have not seen! Plan to see Skopje, Macedonia; Podgrica, Montenegro; Sofia, Bulgaria; and Istanbul, Turkey! Am also planning a few trips back to Budapest...which seems positively western to me now both in expense and western capitalist influence...Ahhh for the days of bottles of champagne and all night parties! Now Americans are the new unfortunate poor friend amoung expats - the one who cannot go out to dinner everynight. The one who eats sandwiches at home and who drinks well liquor (well we will see about that one...I'd rather not drink than to drink Jim Beam!)]

There are probably tons of other things I need to work on aside from those 4 mentioned, but while I am somewhat of an over-achiever, the secret to over-acheiving success is to not take on too much at once so you can actually acheive! (Oh and relish life like a silly party girl so that people are both suprised and impressed when you turn out to actually be pretty well together...call me Seabiscuit...)

OK...well I think that is it for my very first entry. I hope they will get more focused, but we will see. Enjoy the Friday and thanks for reading :-)